


A Fine Line

by Memories_of_the_Shadows



Category: Bleach
Genre: Denial of Feelings, F/M, Hate to Love, Love/Hate, Lust, love to hate
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-06-05
Updated: 2010-06-05
Packaged: 2019-03-13 10:27:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 568
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13568658
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Memories_of_the_Shadows/pseuds/Memories_of_the_Shadows
Summary: There's always been a fine line between love and hate.  Nnoitra and Neliel have always crossed it, even without realizing it.





	1. Nelliel

I hate her.

I hate Neliel Tu Oderschvank.

I hate the way she thinks she's better than me, I hate the way she looks through me, I hate the way she doesn't even care to fight when I attack her.

Neliel says that she prides herself on being logical, on being better than a beast. She only says that because she thinks I'm a beast. She only says she's logical because she's like that bastard, Ulquiorra, and doesn't feel a thing.

Logic doesn't mean a thing to me. Reason is something I don't think about much. I think that just makes me more able to feel emotions. Of course, I don't have many of those, but it doesn't matter to me. All the strong ones: hate, fear, happiness, lust…love; I have them, that's all that counts.

That insufferable woman makes me feel. Whenever she deigns to actually fight me, I feel happy. Whenever she beats me and I'm staring down her sword that isn't even released; I feel fear that she is stronger than me and I have no place in her world. Whenever I think about her ideals; I hate her and them. Whenever she looks at me with those big eyes of hers; I feel lust.

And whenever she is talking to those moronic excuses for fracción of hers with the slightest hint of affection in her voice, whenever those eyes of hers burn with suppressed emotion, whenever I catch a glimpse of her trying to heal another Espada with her disgusting throw-up, whenever I see her acting like a little girl; I love her.

I love her.

I love Neliel Tu Oderschvank.

So I'm going to kill her.


	2. Nnoitra

Words cannot describe Nnoitra Jiruga.

I do not hate him, but I hold little enough affection for him. He is a childish man, not worthy of the term warrior that he so desperately seeks.

It is surprising to me that one could be given back their reason and sanity after living for so long as a beast and not cherish it. Nnoitra does not cherish his reason. He does not cherish his life. He does not cherish the lives of others, save for what battle they can give him.

There should be no way I could love someone like that. However, emotions such as that have no reason to them. Perhaps, then Nnoitra would understand it, as I do not.

Love is a strange thing for me. I know that I love Dondochakka and Pesche, and I feel loyalty towards my comrades. But this feeling I choose to call love for Nnoitra is different from the love I feel for Dondochakka and Pesche. It is a burning in my throat, chest, and stomach; a fear that I hide from everyone; a simple wish to pull him down to my level and find out whether men with reason and logic could also be beasts.

I will never understand it. It is a violent feeling most of the time, and I do not like it. But the times when I want to be the reason he smiles, when I want to catch him doing something that is embarrassing, when I want to run my fingers through his hair and just be content; those are the times when I think that perhaps love is not so bad.

There are no words to explain feelings, but perhaps there shouldn't be.

**Author's Note:**

> This was originally posted on 5 June 2010 on ff.net. I am the original author and am reposting it here. It is a product of my writing ability at the time.


End file.
